Tony Dye

Tony Dye




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LaSD, Chapter 2

Chapter 2. A Problem

Page 7

First Paragraph

“You have a problem,” Bud continued. “The people at work know it, your wife knows it, your mother-in-law knows it. I’ll bet even your neighbors know it.” Despite the digs, he was smiling warmly. “The problem is that you don’t know it.”

TD> Well, that’s a great way to start a conversation! Very anti-QBQ. You have a problem and everybody knows it except you. Ouch! “How can I know I have a problem if I didn’t even know what the problem was?” Funny, I know I have a problem because I don’t know what the problem is!

Fifth paragraph

Or have you ever promised to spend time with the kids but backed out at the last minute because something more appealing came up?

TD> Ouch! I want to substitute “more important” for “more appealing,” but it really doesn’t matter. I did this so many times across the years.

Seventh paragraph

“Or, under similar circumstances,” he went on, “have you ever take the kids where they wanted to go but made them feel guilty about it?”

TD> Guilty. Does it count that you did it anyway? (not much)

Page 8

Just above the middle of the page

“And speaking of the workplace,” he continued, “have you ever kept some important information to yourself, even when you knew a colleague would really be helped by it?”

TD> Perhaps the one place I can breath freely. If anything, I go overboard sharing information. For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to create and share knowledge. I’ve dreamed of the perfect knowledgebase application and database behind it.

Near the bottom of the page

[Bud] “So do you indulge people with kindness and other ‘soft stuff you can think of in order to get them to do what you want? Even though you still feel scornful toward them?”

[Tom] I didn’t think that was fair. “Actually, I think I try pretty hard to treat people right,” I countered.

[Bud] … How do you feel when you’re ‘treating them right,’ as you say? Are you still feeling they’re a problem?”

TD> This one’s hard! As I write this in March of 2024, having read this book at least four times before, I’m on both sides of this. I’m going to claim, weekly, that instead of seeing how the other person is a problem, I look to see how we can solve a mutual problem. I probably often step into a mentoring role, without being asked, and often without being qualified. “I want to help the other person succeed.” That’s a true statement. And simultaneously, I may be thinking that they don’t have the capability.

Page 9

At the bottom (continuing onto page 10)

[Tom] The comment unsettled me. “What’s wrong with treating people well?” I protested.

[Bud] “Nothing. If that’s what one is actually doing, Bud said. “But I think you might discover that you aren’t treating people as well as you think. You may be ding more damage than you know.

TD> Treating people nicely may not really be treating them well.

Page 10

Last part of last paragraph

[Bud] “That’s why we’re meeting.” He paused, and then added, “I can help you because I have the same problem.”

TD> Weirdly scary and encouraging at the same time. Implied, everyone has the same problem. Or is that reading too much in?

TD> Great comment from a past reading partner (thanks Lisa J): A wise man once told me, “No success at work ever makes up for a failure at home.”

Things I want to remember from this chapter:

  • We make choices. Often productivity vs. people. Which will matter in a year, or ten, or in a lifetime?
  • Share information freely. No expectation of compensation, not even of recognition
  • Treating people nicely is not the same as treating them well. Compare to a great definition of love I review from time to time, “doing for the other person what is best for that person.”
  • Everyone has this problem!

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