Tony Dye

Tony Dye




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LaSD, Chapter 18

Chapter 18. Leadership in the Box

Last chapter ended with Lou starting to talk about his son and the experience that led to the big turnaround in Lou, and the company.

Page 125

Lou’s story of his son, Cory. Drugs, drinking, being arrested. Lou not wanting to be embarrassed. I can identify with all that!

TD Observation. Lou mentions that Cory is “now” almost 40. Since that’s Lou’s youngest, Lou must be 65, maybe more. Since this book was written in the early 2000s, the characters would now be 60-ish and 85-ish.

Arrested. Options. Could have been 30 days in Jail. Lou fought it. Lost. Cory spent a year! Lou’s view, “it was a blight on the family name.”

TD> I can see this from my parent’s perspective. And also my own. I might easily have done exactly what Lou did. I think I’ve learned since then. I hope!

Lower half of the page, round 2. Cory got back with the wrong crowd, arrested again. This time Lou went for a plea bargain that involved a 60-day wilderness treatment and survival program.

Near the bottom of the page, Lou’s statement, “I was taking him to be ‘fixed.'”

TD> I remember having a very young, brilliant, employee years back who apparently had a lot of troubles at home and school. I remember getting a very few minutes advance notice that he was going to be escorted out of the building, and away for weeks or months. Perhaps a very similar program. He came back later (I think years) and was an exemplary employee for me, and for others later.

Page 126

Lou’s continued story, expecting “them” to fix his son.

Second paragraph

[Lou] “But that’s now what I learned.” “I needed fixing too.” “… gradually I came to see the lie in my defensiveness.” Blame! “I was a mess.” And Lou fought the idea. By the middle of the page, Lou recognized he was in the box, and had been for a long time, with his wife and his kids.

TD> How many of us need fixing? What if I’d had this book, and cared, when I was in my 20s, or earlier? How might so many of my relationships gone better. I want to say that better. I’ve had many great jobs and been around a lot of wonderful people. I just wonder if things might have been even better if I’d learned this part of people, earlier.

Bottom of page 126 and onto 127

Lou’s realization of how he had also driven away people in his company, most notably Kate.

TD> I sense that Lou is telling this story with tears in his eyes.

Last line of page 127 and onto page 128

Dialog on collusion and how people invite exactly what they do NOT want in others.

Near the bottom of the page, Tom mentions “Just like Semmelweis.”

TD> This doesn’t seem like Semmelweis to me. Yes, the ignorance of the real problem, but I don’t remember Semmelweis blaming others. Quite the contrary, he kept trying to find what was happening. But, the idea of killing people fits, sadly.

Page 129

[Lou] What I learned in Arizona was that I was a mess … I was provoking the very problems I was complaining about. I had chased away the very best people I knew. … Even Kate. No one is more talented than Kate …

Lower part of the page

Lou knows he had also been taking his wife for granted for 25 years. “My box was destroying everything I cared about.”

Last lines

[Lou] How can I possibly get out of the box?

[Tom] How do you get out of the box?

[Lou] You already know.

TD> Really? We’ve sort of seen how Tom was out, but did we see how he got out? It is simply “see people as people?” If we’re self-deceived, can we?

Chapter Summary: The story of Lou’s background with his troubled son that led to his learning the materials we’re now learning. Sort of a yucky, cloudy, chapter with some glimpses of bright sunshine. I sense we’re about to learn the breakthrough. The big question: how do you get out of the box? Hopefully it won’t take 6 more chapters!

Arbinger’s second book, Anatomy of Peace, tells more of Lou’s and Cory’s backstory. Highly recommended. I think I actually like it better than this book, but LaSD is still the one to read first.

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