Tony Dye

Tony Dye

MAKING IT EASIER TO DO
THE RIGHT THINGS

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LaSD, Chapter 21

Chapter 21. The Way Out

Last chapter ended still leaving us without the answer. Except a list of things that are not the answer. But, a promise, sort of. “It’s something else … Something right in front of you.”

Page 144

Lou gives us a new drawing.

And through the end of page 145, and even to the start of 146, how in the box we are resisting other people and are just focused on ourselves. But this can be person by person. We can be resisting one person while being out of the box with another. So, we can be in the box and out of the box at the same time!

Page 147

End of the first paragraph

[Lou] In fact, there is one thing in particular that you did while you were out of the box toward Bud and Kate that helped you to get out of the box toward Laura.

[Tom] What did I do?

[Lou] You questioned your own virtue.

TD> This is the breakthrough we’ve been waiting for! Finally! My words, considering the possibility that I might be wrong. Truth seeking!

Bottom of the page

Lou explaining it probably didn’t happen immediately, but when it happened, when all blaming emotions toward Laura evaporated.

[Lou] … and she suddenly seemed different to you …

[Tom] (thinking to himself) That’s exactly what happened!

Onto page 148

[Tom] (now out loud) That’s true. That’s what happened

One more change to the diagram

The box is gone. Seeing and feeling straightforwardly.

Bottom of page and on to 149

[Lou] We need to honor them as people … and in that moment … I am out of the box. What remains is the question of … how to stay out.

Top of page 150, on to page 151

[Tom] To stay out of the box, do I always have do be doing things for others?

Lou responds with examples like driving, where it’s easy to instantly be out of the box with the drivers who cut you off or are otherwise annoying. But it’s only the ones close by who are a problem. The ones way away, we don’t know about, we don’t care about, and that’s not an “in the box” situation.

Top of page 152

Lou speaks of relinquishing prejudices, being less judgmental, and ask Tom if that seems burdensome.

[Tom] On the contrary, they seem freeing.

Middle of the page

We are more “obligated” to do things for the people who are closest to us, or at least feel we should. But we don’t have to do everything that comes to mind. When we choose not to do those things, we must not shift into blaming and justifying. Just acknowledge we can’t do everything for everyone we’d like to.

Bottom of page 153 and on to page 154

Lou reflecting back on what he’d learned in Arizona all those years ago. His deep regret about how he had acted toward people. That feeling of regret was the evidence of being out of the box with them.

Final paragraph

[Lou] The future of Zagrum depended on whether I could stay out of the box. But I knew that in order to stay out, there were certain things I had to do. And fast.

Chapter Summary: Lou (with Bud in the room) again remind Tom that he’s already found the way out, even if he doesn’t know it.

In the box, everything is a lie. We are resisting, actively, what is outside the box. “The call of humanity.”

The images below show the progression from being really in the box, to out of the box with some while still in with others, to fully out.

The key: “You questioned your own virtue.” Acting on the feelings of what we need to do for others. Or more specifically, what we feel we need to do for others. So even if I’m wrong in what I’m feeling, if I do it, I’m out of the box. “Let your heart rule your head.” (I think that’s from a Brian May song. Relinquishing prejudices. Smiling more.

It still comes back to seeing people as people. There is also a relationship between in the box and insecurity. That suddenly makes sense. Some of the most secure people I know are also the friendliest and most helpful. There are all these key pieces that are within reach and I’m not quite grasping them. I think I may reread this chapter several more times, soon! Maybe it will sink in.

Now a stray thought. Is there ever a time where it’s a good thing to be in the box? Are there people we should NOT treat as people, and need to be box-oriented toward them? The drug dealer. The swindler. The flirtatious woman. Some politicians?

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