Tony Dye

Tony Dye




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LaSD, Chapter 5

Chapter 5. Beneath Effective Leadership

Page 22 and top of 23

Bud’s story of Sierra, and how he came on board at Zagrum, worked hard his first two weeks completing a lot, but leaving one assignment incomplete.

Near the middle of page 23

[Bud] … I noticed I was the only person in the group who had left something undone.

TD> What a way to be a standout!

Bottom of the page, continuing onto page 24, the start of the story of Lou and how he’s a legend. He took a mediocre, inconsequential company and made it a juggernaut.

TD> I like the statement about Lou Herbert and how he made the company – “in spite of, and sometimes even because of his weaknesses. “ I usually think of weaknesses as something to avoid, or to overcome, or to get past. Yet, here there is a hint that they can be valuable. I also think about how the closest personal relationships happen when the barriers come down and people share their struggles, rather than their strengths. But I digress…

TD> Also the parallel thought of how what we sometimes think is the worst possible thing can turn out to be the best, and vice versa.

Most of page 24, Lou asking Bud about family and personal stuff. Not trivial. Genuine, or so it seems.

Lou’s offer, and then follow-through, to call Bud’s wife personally.

TD> Different time, place, people. I can’t imagine that going well. But I still respect the offer made! I wouldn’t want to be Bud if Lou made that call!

Top of page 25

[Lou] “You won’t ever let us down again, will you?”

TD> Heart attack moment! But it wasn’t. Bud wasn’t offended, he was inspired. (Trying to think of myself on either side of that conversation. Don’t know how I’d react) Why did it work with Lou? Don’t know, but I expect that will be our key understanding…

Middle of the page,

Lou … invited my cooperation rather than my resentment.

TD> “Invited cooperation.” Love the sound of that. I sure hope that’s what we’re going to learn how to do in this book!

Bottom of the page, re: why did that work?

TD> Tom’s response: knowing that Lou cared about you.

[Bud] … I was primarily responding to how Lou was regarding me … that his regard was more important than his words or actions.

TD> A way of regarding people. That’s a bit mysterious yet it already feels like a good thing.

Top of page 26

[Tom] I did pay attention to how I though others were seeing me — what my wife Laura, was thinking about me, for example, or whether I thought she was just thinking of herself. … If I feel like someone is just thinking of himself, I usually discount everything he says.

TD> The “need” to maintain image. Very much built into some of us from a certain time, and especially of military upbringing [officer’s family had to uphold an image].

Middle of page, The Gabe/Leon story. “are you interested in him or his opinions of you?”

TD> Oh drat, I’ve been caught! (thinking of an old Randy Pope sermon, “it’s not what I think of me, it’s not what you think of me, it’s what I think you think of me.” Some distorted people-pleasing concept, totally misguided. And, the self-deception (!) of trying to look like I care for others when I’m really trying to get them to appreciate me for bothering to care about them. Or something like that… )

Page 27, turning to relationships at home

Bud’s story of a disagreement at home over the dishes, how it went wrong, left unresolved. Being upset that the other person is upset.

With a “millisecond” kiss and an apology.

Last sentence, “Was there an apology to accept?”

TD> Bam!

Page 28

Words didn’t match reality.  “feeling love.” “we can always tell when we’re being coped with, manipulated, or outsmarted. We can always detect the hypocrisy. We can always feel the blame concealed beneath veneers of niceness…”

TD> Uh, well, some of us can always tell. Not my strong suit!

Page 29, the awkward story of Chuck Staehli

And Tom realizing he was badmouthing his ex-boss in front of his new one.

Middle of page 30

“Some people [like Lou] inspire devotion and commitment in others, even when they’re interpersonally clumsy!”

TD> That’s an inspiration. Or a challenge!

“People love working with them. They get results.”

TD> Funny, I feel I’ve been blessed by people like that, but I’m having trouble naming a single one of them.

(Years back, a manager at Lanier.) A review time. Sort of beat me up, gently, over some people issues, and my less-than-stellar handling. But smiled the whole time he was telling me. Then went through the formal review, which was very positive, and had a nice dollar value as a result.

Page 31

[Lou] People skills are never primary.

TD> I may have to work on my thoughts of what “people skills” are; seems like what we’ve been talking about is exactly what I think of as people skills.

Whether or not people skills are effective depends on something deeper. … Deeper than behavior and skill.

The day long meeting. Formerly called “Lou meetings.”

Bottom of the page, “Remember, I have the same problem that you have.”

TD> I don’t know how to name that problem, but I’m beginning to understand it.

TD> Question to myself. How much do I care about anyone other than myself? Sometimes I don’t like my own questions …

TD> Can’t tell yet is this was a really great chapter or an awful one! “People skills don’t replace caring, or lack of caring.” I think that’s my take-away thought… It all boils down to caring about the other person. How often do I do that? Is that an attitude that can be developed?

Things I want to remember from this chapter:

  • The culture where not completing an assigned task was an offense, to the team. Everyone had the expectation that ALL assignments would be completed. TD Project Coordination thought: or any issues would be communicated way ahead of the deadline. “No surprises”
  • Inviting cooperation. Inviting is so much more than asking
  • Challenges, well presented, can be encouraging. Key, when the challenger (boss) shows genuine care for the person receiving the challenge. Can’t be faked! (how do I learn to care … more?)
  • “A way of regarding people.” Weird phrase, but very likable!
  • Caring about people. Not pretending to care.
  • Feeling love vs. manipulation. Repeat: doing what’s right for the other person, regardless of cost to me
  • Even people who are socially or relationally clumsy, can still inspire others
  • If I don’t care about another person, why engage? Or reverse that, if I am (or need to) engage, then find a way to actually care. Is that hypocrisy?

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