Tony Dye

Tony Dye




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LaSD, Chapter 7

Chapter 7. People or Objects

Last chapter ended with Bud knowing the name of the lady who had upset Tom, by erasing the whiteboard. Apparently Bud knew the whole story before Tom told it to him.

Page 42

2nd paragraph

[Bud] “It seems you made quite an impression.”

TD> Not the impression anyone wants to make.

4th paragraph

[Bud] “I try to know the names of as many people as I can …

TD> That’s something to aspire to!

Team getting copies of security badges.

TD> Way back at Perimeter Church, we had name badges in a database that could be reviewed by other staff. (A few did, most didn’t. Some ministry people have great name recall!)

What a great thing to throw into a tool like ANKI

Last paragraph

[Bud] … if I’m not interested in knowing a person’s name, I’m probably not really interested in the person as a person.

TD> Boom!

Page 43

Top of page

[Bud] … if I’m unwilling even to try to remember someone’s name, that itself is a clue to me that he or she is probably just an object to me …

2nd paragraph

[Tom, thinking] … my lack of interest in as basic an issue as other’s names was a pretty clear indication that I probably wasn’t seeing them as people.

TD> Trivial counter-thought: there are people I’ve met, talked with, have an interest in, yet I’ve forgotten, or possibly never knew, their names. I think I’m still seeing them as people … mostly.

Near bottom of the page

… wrong and right at the same time?

Continuing to page 44

Perfectly reasonable … to tell her she must never do that again.

Middle of the page

The right thing, the wrong way. Seeing her as an object. Being “in the box.”

3/4 down

[Bud] … people primarily respond not to what we do but to how we’re being — whether we’re in or out of the box toward them.

TD> Can I always see people as people, before starting any interaction (good or bad)? How I’m “being” is more important than what I’m saying. That may take a while to sink in.

Page 45

Top of page

Does “seeing others as people all the time” set you up t be run over by others?

Near the bottom

Did Bud’s interaction with Joyce invite her to more enthusiasm or less?

TD> I like that idea of inviting people’s responses, thoughts, attitudes, whatever.

Page 46

Second paragraph

[Bud] Assumption that in the box is ‘hard’ behaviors and out of the box is ‘soft.’

Is “being in the box” a behavior?

TD> Is it a choice we make? Is it an attitude? Are some better at choosing than others?

Referring back to the diagram from page 36:

Page 47

There are two ways to do the behaviors.

[Bud] Is this a behavior, or is it deeper?

[Tom] “it’s deeper”


Reflecting on the previous Lou/Bud interaction, re: taking away a task; asking if Bud would ever fail a task again? Was that hard or soft?

[Tom] Hard, even too hard. — and — it was out of the box!

Lower third

Reflecting on Tom’s interaction with Joyce. Also hard, but from in the box!

The distinction is NOT the behavior! It’s the way of doing the behavior.

TD> Hard for me to think of “doing” a behavior, but it’s making a little sense.

TD> Even right things, when done “in the box,” become wrong things. Implication, being the “network Nazi,” is not automatically bad, if I can actually care about the other person. There’s hope! Contrast, the de-motivation of being put down, even if privately.

Page 48

TD> How a hard message is delivered makes all the difference. Out of the box messages invite more productive responses.

Near the bottom, two choices

  1. Hard or soft
  2. In the box or out

Page 49

First paragraph reminder, “We are [all] self-deceived.”

Middle paragraph

[Bud’s assignment] … think about the people here at Zagrum … ask yourself whether you’re in or out of the box toward them. And don’t lump the people you’re thinking about into an impersonal mass. Think of the individuals.

TD> Important: think of people one at a time. As individuals. Not as a class or a group. This is a big deal to me, to handle one person at a time. (Handle was a bad choice of words, but it’s what I wrote, so I’m leaving it. That’s sort of “in the box” thinking, isn’t it?)

TD> End of the chapter, a lot to think about, and more this afternoon! (for Bud and Tom], sets us up for the next chapter. This one seemed like a smack on the head. Guess the next one is more so?

Things I want to remember from this chapter:

  • Remember people’s names. Listen for them! Take notes. “Cheat” if I can (sneak a picture, etc.)
  • Why do I sometimes not care about people’s names?
  • people primarily respond not to what we do but to how we’re being
  • Repeat from last chapter, “inviting” responses. I don’t think I can describe that, but I want to do it
  • Behaviors, attitudes, apply to individuals, not groups of people

One Response

  1. This sure seems to fit in here:
    “The purpose of propaganda is to make one set of people forget that other sets of people are human.”
    — Aldous Huxley

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